Friday, 20 June 2014

On The Cusp

Cusp is a word that somehow eluded me for many years.
Maybe I just conveniently put my fingers in my ears overtime it was mentioned.  
or possibly it had no place in the Mills & Boon novels I could devour in under an hour.  No need of subtlety there! 

I first became aware of the word when we started looking into getting a statement for my daughter. Shortly afterwards it was mentioned in relation to teeth. It just dropped into conversation, all casual like,  but I noted the ripples spreading outwards - it's that cusp again I thought.  The more I looked, the more cusps appeared.  I appeared to be on the cusp of cusps in all their mystical nuances...

Here I am enjoying my very own cusp, about to transition between two states - Authorised Lay Minister and Licensed Lay Minister.
The difference is subtle.
Subtle in that it gives me permissions that matter only to the Church of England.
Subtle in that I remain part of the laity.
Subtle in the ways that the role will develop and evolve.

How do I define my cusp?
Confidence, in my training - in being able to use the tools I have been given.
Unworthiness - why me?  There must have been someone more suitable!
Seriousness - this is not a task I have taken lightly. Many are the agonies I have suffered on the way.
Plod-ability. I am no genius.  In order to produce the goods I have to spend time in prayer and study, and just keep plod, plod, plodding, until I can see what I hope it is that God wants me to see.  Not for me the instant flashes of brilliance, instead the slow painful peeling away of layers, until I begin to understand the truth concealed within.
I never expected my own cusp, but I cannot let it pass by without acknowledgement. 
I shall trust in my cusp and my God.