Wednesday, 22 July 2015

If Church Was A Boating Lake...

"Welcome!
Just wander on through...
Do stop off and get some refreshments.
No, we don't charge for our weak tea and soft Rich Tea Biscuits, but if you would like to make a donation..."

"Lovely seating over here on traditional wooden seating
with some concrete cushions if you are lucky.
Just remember Dora sits on the seat with the best view
as have her family before her,
and Mavis sits on the rotting seat...
Yes, we have offered to replace it,
but it would require a faculty.
She says that we shouldn't bother,
because no-one else wants to sit there
and she doesn't mind splinters in her rear end,
because they are nothing compared to the suffering of Christ,
and If the seat was replaced
it would be because we felt that she wasn't worthy of suffering...."

"You want to set sail?
Yes, we offer everyone the opportunity to sail in a boat, just like Jesus did,
and to recall key passages
Jesus calmed the storm (January - March),
Jesus preached from the boat (April - June)
Peter walked on water (July - September when the lake is warmer
as no-one has yet managed to replicate this yet...)
and called the disciples to follow him (October to December)."

"Is there a price to pay for sailing?
Our treasurer is located in the kiosk,
 will help you set up regular payments and explain covenanting to you
 - this is especially important if you are a tax payer.
If you don't pay tax, just make a donation in the collection box.
We prefer paper money, it sounds less 'commercial'..."

"Of course there are risks
 - but do not worry too much about them.
Jesus saves everyone!"