The moment when you reflect back and realise that you really didn't make life easy for yourself - or others, is not a comfortable one!
"Why?" you ask yourself, "Why did I act in that way? Was it just insecurity or a failure to see the bigger picture?"
The realisation that I have contributed to some of the problems I have encountered, is quite sobering.
But before I rush in and claim responsibility for all the rubbish in my life, that it not what this is about.
I can now see, that there were times when I have not made life easy for myself. I also recognise that had I been able to see those situations with the uncluttered clarity that hindsight permits, then I would probably have reacted in a different way.
The problem I have with accepting all this, is that it makes me wonder exactly what I am messing up right now! What problems and difficulties am I storing up for myself through my own short sightedness, fear or stubbornness?
Retrospective thinking is not comfortable. It strips away self-justification and removes the rose tinted lenses of delusion. It reveals our true selves, complete with warts, wrinkles, bumps and bruises - the stuff we would far rather kept hidden!
I give thanks to people who were patient with me, especially when I didn't deserve it,
who forgave me, when I was let them down,
who encouraged me, when I feared failure
who picked me up, dusted me down, turned me round and set me on my way.
I pray that I may have the grace to be as generous to others - especially when they irritate the socks off me!