Wednesday, 17 February 2016

21st Century Zacchaeus...

The preacher entered town,  some say he appeared from the direction of Sainsbury's, others pointed out that the old Abbey lay down that way.
As he walked up Birmingham Road, social media was buzzing...
10:29 'Spotted in the ditch' Facebook page reported
Hi Can you post this anon please.. 2 the guy with long flowing hair and a beard walking in 2 town from Enfield? yore not my type, but you have such a lovely smile and caring eyes - thanks 4 giving me a wave and letting my nan give you a big hug. Anyone no his name?
10:30 Twitter Lend me your ears Redditch #preacherintown
From nowhere, everywhere and a Diamond bus that actually makes it into town, crowds materialise...
The preacher reaches Church Green as the quarter to the hour, chimes out from the lofty steeple.
The local politician, who shall be nameless, feels their heart stirring, but they dismiss this forgotten sensation as heartburn...
The Politician is used to getting their own way and desiring to have a front row position worthy of their status, tries to break through the rows of assembled townsfolk.  However, the continued closure of the maternity ward at the local hospital is a festering sore in the hearts and minds of the local residents, who suddenly find themselves united in a desire to link arms and exclude the dastardly politician... Suddenly there is an unspoken commitment to keep the politician out of sight of the preacher, in case the politician decides to sweet talk the preacher into heading off to the county town, where better photo opportunities await....

Suddenly, some of those assembled find themselves showered with leaves, as the politician took advantage of the lifting arm of the car park barrier, and managed to elevate themselves into one of the trees around the perimeter of the green, and stowed away in a tree.
Meanwhile the tree was digging its roots in, as it had no desire to go to Worcester despite the potential of better photo opportunities....
The preacher, however, has brilliant periphery vision and spots the elevated tree hugging politician.  To the collective disgust of the crowd, the preacher makes his way over to the foot of the very tree where the politician is attempting to be a leaf...and calls out
"Politician, quick, come down! I am coming to your house for tea..."
The gathered crowd voice their collective disgust and outrage, updating their Facebook statuses as they speak..."politician steals our preacher - scum always rises to the top..."
The politician climbed down... (There is a first time for everything), stood there and said...
"In the original story I was a taxman, but I am a politician....
I would just like to take this opportunity to express my sincere regret for the occasions when I have had to consider the interests of others and myself above the needs of the town. I will vote for all services to be returned to Redditch asap...and I will invite David Cameron to come and see what a wonderful place Redditch is..."
"Steady on" said the crowd, "don't over do it!"
"Well, that worked quite well...until the end" responded the preacher, "The moral of the story is that I want you all to change!  You lot, stop being mean to your politician, because if they have read the script they will know that they must repay any wrongs 4 x , and they are going to need all the help they can get!"
"Amen" replied the crowd, and the politician.  In agreement for once.
"You see miracles can happen," said the preacher with a big smile. "even in 'the ditch' ".
Then Facebook crashed in Redditch, and Mark Zuckerberg never quite worked out why, because it didn't fit the normal pattern of algorithms on which social media depends...