Famous Last Words

This afternoon we had been to our monthly Afternoon Tea Service.
By the time we had hoovered, stacked the dishwasher with the first load and put the furniture back ready for the service on Sunday, the light was fading from the blue-gold sky.
DH made do with yet another sandwich, as he.was rushing off to music rehearsal.
The KHT decided to cook herself a pizza.
She got one half of a twin-pack out the freezer.
The instructions were attached to the other one.
"You don't need the instructions," said I, rashly.
"Just watch it, you will know when it is done."
Famous last words.

Then I glanced at the pizza.
"I think you had better take it out of its plastic wrapping, though before you put it in the oven..." and she did.
Having placed her tea in the oven, the KHT positioned herself on a chair in the middle of the kitchen, so that she could keep an eye on it.

The KHT likes mini pizzas that she knows she can easily consume. They usually take less than eight minutes to cook.
Twenty minutes later and the cheese is showing no sign of melting!
The temperature is high enough, but she has set the oven to the defrost setting instead of fan oven.
I am not quite sure why an oven needs a defrost setting - isn't that the function of a microwave?
I change the setting and the pizza finally starts to cook.

We rescue the pizza, as the KHT puts it, " just before it explodes!" which was nothing more dramatic than the cheese topping bubbling.
Upon removing it from the oven I observe the cardboard disk is still under the base...

Meanwhile, I opt for a Spanish omelette. However, my contents to egg mix ratio is too ambitious. When I attempt to flip the omelette over to ensure it is completely cooked, it disintegrates, cascading a mush of egg, cheese and potato across the hob.

Having consumed her pizza the KHTdedicates the next ten minutes to opening a tin of tuna to go in her sandwich.

Later the KHT discovers me in the bathroom, handwashing a cardi.
"Do you think I could become a top chef?" she enquires.
Before I can say a word, my watch answers for me
'"Oh, I don't think so."
Famous last words, Siri...

Mankind may be enjoying the era of post-truth, but artificial intelligence is sticking to the real thing.