Surreality Check

"Let's have a reality check. 
Are you capable?"
"Ok"
"One evening, we're walking around in the middle of Woodrow late at night"
"You'd be grounded"
"No, no, no! If WE were in the middle of Woodrow at the dead of night!"
"Fair dos"
"...hopelessly lost.."
"HANG ON! I've been walking around the estate since it was built.
I used to walk through there on my way to school. 
I know Woodrow like the back of my hand!"
"Let's pretend we ARE lost"
"Since it's your fairytale!"
"Two lost souls frantically trying to find their way home, when SUDDENLY...  
out comes a bloke lurking in the dark shadows...!"
"You mean like Jack the Ripper..."
"No! OK he is, but he's diguising as an ordinary man"
"Would he say, 'Hello! I am not really Jack the Ripper, just an ordinary man...' ?"
"Let's pretend he's someone we know... Simon"
"You can't say it is Simon, someone might really think that Simon really IS Jack the Ripper!"
"Let's just stick with the plot!"
"OK, what evil scheme has he got?"
"Hmm... nuffin' much. He'll be asking about a corner shop"
"But it'll be closed"
"Not if it's a 24/7, it isn't"
I don't think that there are any of those in the middle of Woodrow!"
"Well, what would you do?"
"Point in any direction!"
"Would it be a specific direction, or lots of directions?"
"No, just ONE direction"
"Cue pop group to randomly appear..."
"What if he kidnaps you?"
"I would give him a blooming great kick!"
"You can't do that! He hasn't done anything wrong!"
"YET..."
"OK, fine! The two of us are strolling around Woodrow at the dead of night, 
and Jack the Ripper attacks one of us"
"Is that where I get to scream very loudly?"
"What good would that do?"
"None what so ever. You would have to go and get help"
"No, it has to be the sensible one that went to get help!"
"Well, that would have to be you, because you know Dad says that I am never sensible..."
"That's true.  Back to scenario: we're walking in the deepest, DARKEST part of Woodrow..."
"...unless of course you want to be the one that screams"
"What if he grippled me round the neck?!?"
"Wouldn't he grapple?"
"Well, he does have A VERY STRONG GRIP!!!"
"Fair enough. You have invented a new word"
"He grips hostage. The victim vainly struggles to escape his grasp. 
Couldn't you phone the police?"
"Hang on, when was Jack the Ripper around?"
"Oh, you mean there weren't ANY phones in Victorian times?"
When the police came, I could say to Jack the Ripper ''Don't stand so close to me..."

A lot can happen whilst you are walking around a playing field...

Awake My Soul!

Today I am awake!
It feels like I have sleepwalked through the last four weeks!
Everything I planned to do, 'when I had the time',  has been put on hold.
I managed to keep blogging for a while,
but even that has not happened for the last couple of week.
I got to Easter and ran out of steam.

Hayfever!
Argh!
I had never really suffered before last spring.
This year my eyes have been streaming.
I haven't been able to see properly and have been quite tired.
Yesterday I finally caved in and took 10mg of Cetrizine.
As a result I slept half the afternoon,
but today I am much more awake
and can concentrate for more than a few minutes!
I feel so much better.
I had avoided taking the meds for as long as possible
because I knew they would make me even drowsier,
but there came a point where even I had to give in!

Here I am, feeling like I have some energy, but what can I do?
Due to lockdown,
shubs and plants have all been trimmed,
paths swept,
seeds planted,
bottle tea lights washed...
Nothing needed doing in the garden,
so I decided to trash sort the spare room - which doubles as my study.

After a few hours
and what looks like the aftermath of a significant earthquake,
my desk is now immaculate and has even been hoovered.
Meanwhile, the floor and sofa bed have disappeared under a tide of paperwork and craft stuff.
The plan was to gather all the ink pads together,
put my embossing powders in one drawer.
The rubber stanmps could be reunited...
Basically, I wanted to have some degree of order
so that I could find the things when I wanted to use them.


The KHT regarded the old oak chest of drawers with distain.
"Can't you have an upgrade to a better storage system?" she suggested.
She has a point.
Opening the middle drawer is an art,
as you have to  acheive this with just one handle,
as the other one comes away in your hand if any pressure is applied, as the washer got misplaced many years ago.
The drawers also stick.
It is a very average three drawer chest of drawers,
hardly a family heirlook
Except that it belonged to my Grandma's
and so is the only thing of hers that remains.

The KHT likes to help me sort,
and helpfully removed everything I had hidden under the desk
so we could give it a good spring clean.
The desk is now clear - pity about the noticeboard!
That shall be next!
Or should it be the floor...
or maybe the sofa bed...
Have I mentioned the filing cabinet or wardrobe...?

Sex in the Holy City

Week four of 'Lock Down'.
There is so much that I need to do,
so much that I plan to do,
so much that I want to do.
However, my acheivements to date
have been minimal.

With the exceptionally good Easter weather
I have enjoyed spending as much time as possible outdoors.
Snipping, sowing, weeding.
Gardening is quite frustrating really - no-one notices if you do any,
they only notice of you don't.
Admittedly there are certain gardens that I would LOVE to give a quick weed as I pass..
But these days, with all the new technology,
I would undoubtably be digitally observed...
and that could result in a certain amount of awkwardness with the neighbours.
It is better to suffer the personal irritation of seeing the weeds,
than to attack the problem with all the subtlty of street preacher.
"Blessed at the weedpullers, 
for they shall inherit the garden centre."

The downside of spending time in the garden is that I am clearly suffering from hayfever.
Having spent a life time not being affected by pollen,
(other than from perhaps one day early in the season),
it is a bit of a surprise to find myself thus afflicted.
The worst part is the brain fog.
I feel as if I am on some strong medication,
whereas I haven't taken anything other than the odd paracetamol.
Last year, I remember being simliarly afflicted and I did take some antihistimines.
This may have solved the problem,
I don't really remember,
as I just had an overwhelming desire to sleep
So far this year I have resisted taking antihistimine tablets,
and just hope that the tree pollen season passes very quickly
and I will cease to be thus afflicted.


During the lock down I have pottered
and sat in the sun
motivating myself sufficiently to do essential tasks.
Each evening I have gone on a daily exploration
with the KHT -
usually near yet more trees!
The conversations during these excursions varies from the unexpected to the bizarre
From "Do cats need maps?" to analysing and comparing the excrement of various species of birds.

Meanwhile, in my head I have written several
Biblical bodice-rippers of epic proportions,
with misunderstood heroines
who failed to conform to societies norms.
Yes, there really is a genre of fiction
within this classification.
Then I hit the problem that I just don't know enough about life in Biblical times :-
Did their homes have front doors?
Did they cook indoors over open fires?
Did they sleep in beds?
How big were their homes?
What forms of contraceptive did they use?
Answers of a postcard please as to where I can find a reliable source of Biblical life trivia,
and I shall give you a mention in the credits -
should I ever stay awake long enough to get both written and published.

Easter Egg Hunt - Lockdown Style

Easter in the throes of a pandemic.

No Stations of the cross

or joyful Easter service in church.
No Spring Harvest.
No holiday in North Devon
No family visiting.
But so far we are all well.
Others have not been so fortunate.
UK Deaths have now passsed 10,000
and that is only the ones who have died in hospital.
Each death is a tragedy,
a life ended
often with the family unable to be present
or have the funeral they would have expected.

Meanwhile the garden is tidier than ever,
and for the first time in years I have resorted to planting seeds
Now I wait to see if anything will grow.

Inspired by the KHT's Easter picture,
I added a couple of boxes of small chocolate eggs  to my pre-Easter supermarket trip.

After lunch on Easter Day I suggested to the KHT.
"Shall we have an Easter Egg Hunt?"
"Well, if all the grandkids were here, we could."
"Because of the Corona Virus 
they can't come. 
That doesn't stop US having 
an Easter Egg Hunt."
A deep sigh emanated from the KHT
"You are not getting it, are you! 
It's not much fun having an Easter Egg Hunt with just one person looking."
And in a way she was right.
There would be no screaming and rushing, fighting to get the eggs.
Mind you, under Grandma's rules, you give away all the eggs you find,
and you receive the ones others harvest.
Result, the distribution of eggs per person ends up being incredibly even,
as it is all about sharing not personal gain.

In 2020 Easter is very different.
This would be Lockdown Easter Egg Hunt.
I would hide the eggs.
The KHT  could find them.
I would take some photos (surprise surprise).
Then we would give some away and keep some for ourselves.
Those who received the eggs could guess which ones they got from the photos posted online!
So we lost the rushing and screaming, but kept the sharing.

Here are some of the photos. Can you spot the eggs?

These should be found first...

Hidden in full view

This was one of my favourites!

mock grape hyacinth

Imitation

Inside the Summer House...

Trinity?

Just Call Me Sunshine

Two Red Bottle lights

"And it was all yellow..."

Balancing act

The real Easter Egg?

Climbing Egg

Going for Gold

Outside the Summer House

Border Patrol

No snowflake

Green Olives?

Easter Lamb

Once the eggs were carefully hidden, I summonds the KHT,
before the eggs either got rained on,
melted in the sunshine,
or both!

She was rather suprised to find some eggs waiting for her

"Hey, there is something in my shoe!

...AND the other one too!"

Off she went finding eggs in all sorts of expected
and unexpected places

The question at the end of any Easter Egg Hunt is inevitably
"Have we found them all?"
After two further tours of the garden I thought we had.
Later, after DH returned from his allotment we found a couple more!
DH thought that there might have been a cunning plan...
"Didn't you count them all as you hid them?"
Hiding eggs, taking photos, trying to remember where I had put them AND counting..
"Erm....Nope! I just had fun hiding them!"
However one of them was such a perfect hiding place that I am not going to disclose the location
as I might want to use it again - and I had completely forgotten about that particular egg!
"I thought I had better check there, 
because it is JUST the sort of place you would hide an egg!"
And they were right!

The First Easter Egg Hunt - by the KHT 

Snippets

Out of the corner of my eye
a murder was taking place...
Both perpertrator and victim were in full view.
From my vantage point I could have given a detailed description of events as they unfolded
and been the ideal witness.
What a pity Crimewatch no longer runs!

It is hard to concentrate
on the self-appointed task of deleting old files, or moving them into
'the-folder-they-should be-in'
when a spider is wrapping up his lunch
filing it carefully for future consumption
just a few inches
and a couple of layers of glazing,
away from my desk.
Mind you, in honour of
the glorious weather
the window was open.
I hoped that the spider didn't notice...

Too soon working at home became far too 'hot desking'
as the sun shone steadfastly on the south-facing windows,
and my eyelids had a regretful desire to droop.
I adjourned downstairs to the kitchen,
where I continued to stoically review
a decade of files that had ended up in 'documents',
moving them into their correct folders - or 'Trash'.
It was the sort of task that, if you are like me,
you keep meaning to do,
but never get round to doing,
and now have no excuse not to do it.
Ah, the unexpected joys of lockdown...

In the afternoon
I tempted the KHT into the garden
with the promise of some warm soapy water and some rather grubby bottle lanterns
that deserved a good clean.
The other day it was ceramic flower pots that she was cleaning.
The excitement never ends in this household,
but at least it is all good clean fun...



After tea we went for our customary stroll.
On the playing fields she suddenly stood still and asked
"Where is it?"
"Where is what?"
But I am supposed to know what 'what' is without being told.
Fortunately I guessed correctly from the photo we took two days ago.
"Oh, the moon?!'
"Yes!"
"It probably hasn't got up yet..."

As we headed for home the conversation took a philosophical turn
"Would Oliver Cromwell have wanted to get rid of the NHS, like Boris does?"
"At the moment I think Boris is probably very grateful for the NHS..."
"Well, would he?"
"There was no NHS back then..."
"Would Oliver Cromwell want to get rid of religion, too."
"He wasn't against religion, he just didn't like all the fancy stuff - the carved images."
"He wanted to get rid of Christmas!"
"Cromwell was a Puritan - so he wasn't into excessive celebrations. 
He thought Christmas should be quiet and reflective, not endless feasting and jolifications!
Christmas celebrations had probabably got a bit excessive, like they have these days.
People spend too much and worry to much 
and it ends up being anything but a celebration of the Birth of Jesus!"

Then I was rescued.
"Look," declared the KHT joyfully
Sure enough, the 'pink moon - looking far more orange than pink,
was just appearing between the houses.

And so another day duly drew to a close...

The Alternative Way

At some point in the day,

but often towards evening,

the KHT and I set off on a voyage of discovery. 

As the crisis has deepened

so the area covered by our explorations has reduced.

Although I have lived in this part of town 

for much of my life, 

I must admit there are still paths 

we have walked along since lockdown, 

where I do not think I have ever have trod before.

This particular path was probably a reroute
of a public footpath I would have taken in the past

Moved, I suspect,  to accomodate the construction 

of warehousing/industrial units 

on the site of the sportsfield
of the Aluminium factory where my father worked.

Forty years ago he was convinced that this land was earmarked for development, 

and eventually it was.

We live in a town of over 80,000 people.
However, as Redditch was designate as a 'new town' in the early 60's,
a good proportion of the town was planned by a Development Corporation,
rather than just evolving.
Many of the town's older residents resent the loss of some of the older parts of the town centre.
Narrow streets with dripping canopies were replaced by an indoor shopping complex
in the name of progress.
Surrounding farmland was also sacrificed for large housing estates
the first of which were built to accommodate those needing to be rehomed
following a programme of demolition of substandard housing in the Birmingham conurbation
These estates bear the names of the farms whose fields are consigned to memory - Winyates and Woodrow being two such examples.
Here and there traces of ancent hedgerow remain along with remnants of the roman road that ran to the east of the Victorian part of town.
Sixty years later and part of the legacy of the Development Corporation
is that we have communities with inbuilt green-ness
which we all take for granted.

Photos can appear to reveal a rural idyll,
Those who know this pool will know that it is surrounded by
a housing estate, carefully screened by some of the many trees and hedgerows planted as part of the transformation of the town,

Another view from 'deep in the heart of a forest'
is actually part of a hedgerow bordering a main road. 

The KHT doesn't care - she is an experienced explorer, battling through the wilderness,
relishing the aroma of wild garlic.

 Owards we travel
allowing her to conquering peaks, 
as yet unnamed.

Tracking the path of a mighty river to its source 
- in this case a culvet. 
Some may find this to be a great disappointment
but not the KHT!

On the bank of the mighty Arrow

This photo from the end of March, 

was taken on the banks of the mighty Arrow, 

which flows into the Alne, 

Avon 

and Severn 

before reaching the sea in the Bristol Channel.  

Imagine if we could build a boat, 

and sail away from the current crisis.

But the boat would need to be large enough to transport us

and have to have space 

for  the required amount of provisions to tide us through...

Such a vessel would run aground 

in the shallows of the Arrow, 

or get wedged under a bridge.

If we made it as far as Coughton

the ford would undoubtably be our undoing

as the flow across the roadway would not be sufficient for us to float across.

Maybe we could offload the cargo and carry it across the ford,

reloading on the far side.

We could carry the boat across as well if it would help...

Engines and fuel would be required to navigate the lower reaches of the Severn

and navigational equipment once we reached the wild sea...

Wifi and rechargeable batteries would help us to keep in touch with the rest of the world.

I think we had better go home,

and appreciate all the comforts that await us there,

and continue to be grateful for those

who are sacrificing so much

for others.

Stay safe.

Saturday - Spring Cleaning and Sea Glass

On Saturday we should have been chugging down the M5
on our way to Butlins at Minehead for Spring Harvest
in the company of several thousand other Christians.
Afterwards we planned to spend a few days somewhere quiet and peaceful,
and hopefully have time to wander on a beach or two...
However, because of lockdown, Spring Harvest and all other holidays have been cancelled
and we, like many others are at home.

After days of delaying, I reluctantly decided to start spring cleaning our bedroom.
The KHT soon joined me
and spent a good hour or so timetravelling through decades of old photographs.
Then I noticed the boxes of unsorted sea glass that have languished on the bedroom window sill,
probably for a year or possibly more.

Glass waiting to be sorted

Downstairs in the hall sideboard were several more bags of sea glass that had been gleaned over various holidays.
I collected together
that which I had squirreled away
and placed them in the bowl of water
to remove the salt and other detritus.

Looking down the neck of the repurposed gin bottle

On another window sill stood an empty gin container
(which once contained Apple Gin and was brought over from the USA)
and cider flagon
(from the Lost Gardens of Heligan)
both of which I had saved from recycling
and awaited repurposing.
Unbeknowst to them their moment had arrived!
Soon gentle plinks and plonks could be heard as green sea glass dropped in to one bottle,
and white in another,.
(Brown, red, yellow and blue glass was set aside for a future project...)







Over the years I have often been asked
"What do you plan to DO with the glass?"
Not all of it will end up in these large bottles.
I quite fancy trying to decorate candle holders with some,
and, if I find any really nice pieces,
I might be brave enough to attempt to make some jewellery.

In this time of unexpected stillness
when many events and meeting have been cancelled
It some how seems quite appropriate
to quietly sit and marvel at all these pieces of glass, manufactured by man,
but shaped and smoothed by the sea.
Each piece is a different shape,
some are rough, others smooth
some clear, others translucent.
The odd pieces of pottery, has crept into the collection
easy to spot and set aside.
Stone and shell also infiltrates
If I am stuggling to decide if it is glass or not,
I hold it up, and look closely.
If it allows light to pass through, then it is glass.

I look forward,
post lockdown
to the day when it will be safe to gather together,
to travel
to walk once more along by the sea
and maybe pass some sea glass
and reach down and collect the treasure
once more.

Zoom is the Word

Morning Prayer meeting by Zoom
Committee Meeting by Zoom
Bellringing practice by Zoom
Online service by Zoom
How did we manage before all this 'Zoom'ing was around?
How successful was it?

Morning Prayers by Zoom
About eight in attendance - 
I didn't actually count them - 
including some who have never really attending the real life version for a variety of reasons. 
A couple of regular attenders were missing, 
either because they don't have the technology
or they don't have the inclination to interact with the technology. 
However, one was there despite the lack of technology, 
thanks to someone phoning them and placing their phone adjacent to the speaker
They didn't have the full interaction, 
as they didn't have the ability to see anyone else, 
but they could both hear and speak.
Conclusion - good to keep one element of 'normal' church going, 
even if with a slightly different crew.

Committee Meeting by Zoom
I've been to a couple of these over the last few days. 
They are a good way of meeting up, 
but unsurprisingly not actually as good as being in the same room. 
However, important things were discussed 
and it was good to have a concensus and feel that not everything is on hold. 
Conclusion - effective substitute for the real thing.

Bellringing by Zoom
As it is a couple of weeks now 
since we last met, 
so it was a good opportunity to gather
and see folks. 
Everyone came armed - 
one person had a proper bell in a frame, 
another had quality Dutch handbells 
made by a bell founder. 
We had brightly coloured toy handbells, 
one person had a cow bell 
one rang a mug 
and another a bowl -
both with a wooden spoon.
Bizarrely the bowl sounded most bell like! 
The Dutch hand bells produced so much reverb 
that they often ended up being little more than a high pitched whistle 
once their sound had been shared over the internet! 
The proper bell was so loud that quite often the speaker cut out.
Result - we heard nothing!
Given that Zoom displays a participants in a different order on screens, 
we had to work out some sort of sequence according to the note our 'bell' produced 
AND remember it!
We tried some simple ringing exercises, 
but without the usual visual clues provided by the ropes we found it incredibly difficult to follow!
One of the ringers was in her conservatory. 
Despite the fact that it was getting dark, the birds kept singing. 
We discovered that Zoom preferred the sound of the Great Tits over our bellringing! 
How rude. 
There was also a significant time delay for one ringer 
- and it wasn't the one who was furthest away!
Conclusion - good to meet up and see everyone,
but not very practical for an effective ringing practice!

Online Service by Zoom
I have attended services using a variety of different formats over the years. 
This was the first I had attended via Zoom. 
Several people contributed - which meant it was not a great burden for any one person. 
Minimal formal litugy was used. 
Several short passages of scripture were read
and particpants from different time zones were present and contributed. 
It was the first time they had experiemented with this format so they kept it simple, 
which was wise. 
The Lord's Prayer was said simultaneously using different lagnuages and versions. 
It shouldn't have worked, but because no-one voice dominated,  
a harmonious blend of spoken words evolved.
The plan is to continue once a week - how long for?  I didn't ask.
Conclusion - a success. 
It brought together a small group of about 15 or so to pray, 
listen to scripture and hear a short talk.

I wonder what will Zoom into sight next?

Life BC and during...

Week two of lock down
and we are settling into a rhythm.

The KHT's 21st came and went
- the highlight of which was a walk in the local parkland
- not quite what I had planned!






We cannot complain,
we have a home and are safe and well
The biggest challenge has been maintaining supplies of DH's oat milk.









I think back to around a month ago,
to life BC ( Before Corona )
when I was trying to explain to my lively middle grandson
that at the age of seven he really was too old to be running around during services,
and needed to set a good example to his slightly younger friend,
rather than leading him astray!
"That's OK," he assured me cheerfully, "I will tell him to sit still, while I run around!"
I loved the the creative thinking,
but explained that actually he needed to sit down too!
All credit to him, he did manage to sit down and focus a lot more,
and he did get praised for his effort!

The words of G4 (aged 7) came back to me, as we are going through this 'lock down'.
We, too, have a tendancy to think, everyone else can stay at still,
and it will be OK if we carry on rushing around, doing what WE want to do.
If we do, we will just enable the virus to spread further.
Inside I think we are all still seven years old.

Meanwhile, appreciating the need to do so
we are doing our best to stay home and comply
- shopping as little as we can, at quiet times.
- taking daily exercise and avoiding other pedestians.
   Like the Priest and Levite in the story of 'The Good Samaritan',
   we cross over and pass by on the other side,
   but somehow it has become 'the right thing to do'
   rather than the wrong choice!
Meanwhile, if I deny that I am longing to head off to the beach,
and sit and watch the waves, I would be lying.
Alas, all that must wait.

The KHT and I go out for a daily wander around the neighbourhood
and catch some Pokemon.
As we walk,
the KHT has been noticing the rainbows
that adorn windows -
some a discrete piece of A4,
others encompass every window on the frontage of the house.
It is good to see signs of hope in our neighbourhood.
Inspired by what she has seen the
KHT has begun work on her own
rainbow master piece



563 deaths in the UK during the last 24 hours.
Many more across the globe.
Each a tragedy.
Stay safe everyone!