Surreality Check

"Let's have a reality check. 
Are you capable?"
"Ok"
"One evening, we're walking around in the middle of Woodrow late at night"
"You'd be grounded"
"No, no, no! If WE were in the middle of Woodrow at the dead of night!"
"Fair dos"
"...hopelessly lost.."
"HANG ON! I've been walking around the estate since it was built.
I used to walk through there on my way to school. 
I know Woodrow like the back of my hand!"
"Let's pretend we ARE lost"
"Since it's your fairytale!"
"Two lost souls frantically trying to find their way home, when SUDDENLY...  
out comes a bloke lurking in the dark shadows...!"
"You mean like Jack the Ripper..."
"No! OK he is, but he's diguising as an ordinary man"
"Would he say, 'Hello! I am not really Jack the Ripper, just an ordinary man...' ?"
"Let's pretend he's someone we know... Simon"
"You can't say it is Simon, someone might really think that Simon really IS Jack the Ripper!"
"Let's just stick with the plot!"
"OK, what evil scheme has he got?"
"Hmm... nuffin' much. He'll be asking about a corner shop"
"But it'll be closed"
"Not if it's a 24/7, it isn't"
I don't think that there are any of those in the middle of Woodrow!"
"Well, what would you do?"
"Point in any direction!"
"Would it be a specific direction, or lots of directions?"
"No, just ONE direction"
"Cue pop group to randomly appear..."
"What if he kidnaps you?"
"I would give him a blooming great kick!"
"You can't do that! He hasn't done anything wrong!"
"YET..."
"OK, fine! The two of us are strolling around Woodrow at the dead of night, 
and Jack the Ripper attacks one of us"
"Is that where I get to scream very loudly?"
"What good would that do?"
"None what so ever. You would have to go and get help"
"No, it has to be the sensible one that went to get help!"
"Well, that would have to be you, because you know Dad says that I am never sensible..."
"That's true.  Back to scenario: we're walking in the deepest, DARKEST part of Woodrow..."
"...unless of course you want to be the one that screams"
"What if he grippled me round the neck?!?"
"Wouldn't he grapple?"
"Well, he does have A VERY STRONG GRIP!!!"
"Fair enough. You have invented a new word"
"He grips hostage. The victim vainly struggles to escape his grasp. 
Couldn't you phone the police?"
"Hang on, when was Jack the Ripper around?"
"Oh, you mean there weren't ANY phones in Victorian times?"
When the police came, I could say to Jack the Ripper ''Don't stand so close to me..."

A lot can happen whilst you are walking around a playing field...