And just like that, ALL my hopes and plans for the future, were destroyed.
I was absolutely devastated.
I keep going over the past, searching for evidence that she was unhappy,
resentful even of the plans I was making.
I cannot remember not knowing Mary.
I feel as if she has been part of my life forever.
Our marriage was arranged when she was quite young,
with the understanding that she would become my wife in the fullness of time.
I thought she was happy with these arrangements.
But it appears I am mistaken.
Mary has not waited for our wedding
instead it appear that she has given herself to another and is to have a child.
There are so many questions racing around my head,
but of one thing I am completely certain of
is that the child Mary is carrying is not mine!
She came up with some fabulous story about an angel visiting her
and telling her that she was going to bear a child.
Wait for it, not by a 'normal conception'
but through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Well I am sorry, but it just doesn't work like that!
When she broke the news to me I was shocked.
Speechless, even.
And the part that I am really struggling to comprehend
is that she looked like she expected me to react as I did.
She was so calm and serene.
Not embarassed or ashamed, or even defiant.
I wanted to reach out and shake her!
whilst trying so hard not to cry.
Not wanting to make things worse than they already are.
Finally, I managed to get some coherent thoughs together.
I didn't want her to know how devastated I was.
So I expressed my concern for her.
"Mary, you do know they neighbours will be scandalised?
They will reject you!
Shame you!
Ostracise you!"
I didn't have the heart at this stage to point out that they may even kill her.
Infuriatingly, she didn't seem concerned for herself.
Instead she looked at me with such compassion, gentleness and grace.
Normally she keeps her gaze respectfully downwards,
like the gentle maiden I thought she was.
But today she looked straight into my eyes, with an unwavering gaze.
With eyes that seemed to have knowledge and wisdom way beyond my understanding,
that could see inside the depth of my being
where I had hidden all the hurt, confusion and disappointment.
"I know this is very difficult for you, Joseph," she said,
"but this is part of God's plan for all mankind."
I swallowed the words I wanted to speak,
words of hurt, disappointment and heartache.
I shook my head sadly and left.
This particular man was not having any part of these plans.
On reaching home I sat unmoving,
racking my brain for a solution.
Tomorrow I will go and make arangements to quietly cancel the betrothal.
and allow Mary to be free to move forward with the father of her child.
Leaving me with my shattered dreams and a future with no wife and no children.
"MARY, WHY?"
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