This month G2 (Aged 8) will become G2 (Aged 9) and, similarly, G3 (Aged 8) will also become G3 (Aged 9). Ironically G2 (Aged 8) was due about a week after G3 (Aged 8), but was born first, and will therefore always be G2, not G3 as we had expected. In case you are wondering, they are cousins, not twins...Babies come when they are ready, not to some neat and tidy plan. Although the medical profession gave their best estimates for the birth of both children, they had their own ideas about when they were arriving - one early, one late.
In view of G2's impending birthday, I did my research and identified a suitably inappropriate present - as grandparents do. I discovered that the simplest way of obtaining the gift was to order online from John Lewis, to be collected from our nearest Waitrose - well one of the nearest Waitrose stores - there are three in the surrounding area, but not one in our town - we are not classy enough!In order to not be charged the £2 fee I also ordered a water bottle for taking to work, as the one I am using is no longer watertight.
Having received a text notification that the goods were ready for collection we duly trundled off, through the mist to collect them.
On arriving at the store, I left DH paying for the parking while I made myself known at Customer Services, who advised me that my items would be ready for collection by the time I finished my shopping.
After circumnavigating the supermarket two and a half times, as you do, we decided to call it quits. In this short time, I had stocked up all sorts of exciting goodies not available in our normal superstore of choice. Now M&S have abandoned town I may well be here more often...
Having duly lobed items in the trolly with joyful abandon, in my own mini version of supermarket sweep, I thought I would position myself at a discrete distance whilst husband paid. I made my excuses and returned to the Customer Services desk.
"Sorry your items are not here yet"
Interpretation - the person whose job it is to collect your order from the warehouse is still on their break.
"It will be here in a minute"
Interpretation - their break should have ended 10 mins ago
Then a rather large item and a smaller item arrived and were placed on the counter in front of me. For the large item think massive teddy - the sort a child could sit on, or possibly a dog bed...
I regarded them with surprise
"Gosh!" said I, as I gazed upon looking at the proffered items "I was expecting something considerably smaller. It must be well wrapped. I am sure it will be fine!"
Interpretation - this feels wrong, but I cannot believe John Lewis would mess up my order!
The assistant zaps the label, and, surprise, surprise, it doesn't tally with my order.
He turns around and suddenly notices two much smaller, and rather insignificant parcels on the back counter.
"Oh, they were already here!"
These pint-sized, but more plausibly dimensioned items successfully tally with my order.
The member of staff apologises and hands over my packages.
"I wonder what I nearly got instead!" I said, brightly.
I got a look in return.
Interpretation - you weren't ever really going to get the large package. Even if I knew what was in those other packages, it would be more than my job is worth, to give the vaguest hint of their contents.
I smile and head off with my purchases, to discover a slightly shell-shocked husband, still reeling from the dent in his wallet.
He gives me that look.
Interpretation - HOW can a few items cost the same as a weekly shop?
I smile sweetly, knowing he has bought three 'gluten free' ready meals for himself.
He gives me another look, as he knows I know about the 'gluten free' ready meals, and he also is well aware that any reference he makes about cost will undoubtably return to the 'gluten free' ready meals...
Now I just have to find the card I bought for G2 (aged nearly 9)...
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